DOUBLE FEATURE REVIEW

Y'know, next time I get a "great idea" like "Hey, I should review two movies in one sitting!", someone please, PLEASE try to talk me out of it. Especially if I use the same "Russian Roulette" approach of taping two movies from Sky 1's "Friday Fright Night" sight unseen. Because friends don't let friends view mind-meltingly mediocre movies... do they?

Anyway, here we go... beginning with a film almost garanteed to bring a certain franchise to a screeching halt... [Future Skeeter: Boy, was I wrong! Hellraiser: Inferno, anyone?]

HELLRAISER: BLOODLINE (1996)

Now I'll admit I'm a big fan of the fairly Britrish, though undoubtably gory original, depspite (Or because of) its microscopic budget. The second was nearly equal, with some nice scare scenes. Then came Hellraiser III: Let's Just Blow Some Shit Up Today. Less said, the better. And finally this... A movie directed by that most prolific of directors... Alan Smithee. The rest of the cast and crew list was equally as bland. The no-name cast was headed by Bruce Ramsey, and Clive Barker recieved a credit for co-executive producer. So did three others, meaning Clive probably phoned every so often and asked "How's it going? Good. Call me if you need me." and went back to counting his royalties.

We open (According to an on-screen caption) at "Space Station Minos, 2127". Inside, a shaven-headed man is using the same Virtual Reality gloves Mike Nelson used to destroy the Hubble in "MST3K: The Movie". In this movie, the gloves operate a remote-control robot that is attempting to open a Hellraising Puzzlebox(TM). Oddly, the robot looks like a partial Terminator endoskeleton, probably purchased at James Camerons' yard sale. As he works, a group of hardened Space Marines arrive and storm the station. How very Aliens-esque. (Yes, one minute in and there's already TWO references to much better sci-fi movies. Well, three actually, as the shaved head recalls Alien 3. Or Alien Cubed as I always call it...)

The box opens, giving us a brief, confusing shot of ol' Mr Spiky himself, Pinhead, projected onto a kind of virtual VDU. Seconds later, Shaved Dude has a gun pointed at his cranium, courtesy of the Intrepid Marines. We get some exposition, revealling that Shaved Guy designed the space station, then hijacked it. The crew has been allowed to leave, probably because Mr Smithee didn't want to blow the budget paying extras. A female officer (Amusingly named "Rimmer"... well, amusing for "Red Dwarf " fans, anyway...) interrogates him, prompting Shaved Guy to do his best Anthony Hopkins impersonation trying to persuade her to get everyone off his space station. Why? Because it's actually a trap... "designed to catch Hell!" Ooh, hold me, I'm terrified already.

The upshot of this confession is... a flashback to 18th Century France. Great, now we're inviting "Interview With The Vampire" comparisons. We meet Shaved Guys ancestor, who is the "Gretest Toymaker in France!". (France, California judging by his accent.) He constructs the first Puzzlebox and leaves to deliver it to the man who ordered it. While wearing a fetching Paul Revere hat, I might add. The box has been made for an overacting Frenchie who seems to have been endowed with an overabundance of forehead. (The fact I noted that shows how much the plot was interesting me at this point... I dubbed him "Ralph Bighead", having watch far too many episodes of "Roccos' Modern Life" recently.) Ralph is "Frances' Greatest Magician". Man, no modesty in THIS country, huh? I assume the other man in the scene is "Frances' Greatest Lurker", as he's never introduced, but does Lurk brilliantly.

Lurker Frenchie invites a prostitue in for a quick snack, then garottes her before dessert. (The swine!) The duo then do a spot of post-meal eviseration and Devil Summoning, as the Toymaker peeks in a window. The Devil-summoning scene is complete with faux-Lating gibberish, lightning flashes and wild overacting from Ralph Bighead. The special effect of a torch being waved about so the beam illuminates his face deserves a mention, too... the prostitue is reborn as a Demon-Lady, named "Angelique" by the Frenchies.

The Toymaker has a quick chat with a doctor friend about what he's seen. The fact that this is done during an autopsy(!!) is somewhat laughable. But hey, it does give Mr Smithee the chance for some close-ups of entrails, which we haven't seen in, oh, 15 seconds or so... The doc advises the toymaker to "Design a Box to destroy her." For some reason, The Toymaker decides this neccesitates breaking into the Bighead estate to steal back the original box. Despite the fact he designed it, and therefore shouldn't need to see it to design a counter-box. He finds Ralph dead... well, "Mostly" dead, anyway, in a room with approximatly 400 litres of blood congealing on the walls. The Toymaker is so startled by this, he gets caught by Angelique and beaten up by Lurker Guy. Angelique kills the Toymaker, but only in a way that allows him to stagger home to his pregnant wife before expiring.

Thus ends the costume drama section. All I want to know is... How the HELL did Future Guy know this much detail, when the only guy who witnessed it was killed without telling anyone? Unless they cut out the scene where he wrote down every last detail and placed it in an envelope marked "Open In The Event Of Me Having My Guts Ripped Out By A Re-Animated Prostitute."

Anyway, we quickly skip forward to Paris, 1996. The toymakers descendant, "John Merchant" is introduced. He's suffered from bad dreams all his life, we quickly learn. I'd suggest they were brought on by the horrific Bowlcut his infant son has. The poor kid looked like a gigantic mushroom! Angelique and Jaques The Lurker are still alive, and also live in Paris. Angelique realises the Toymakers' Bloodline continues, and seems somewhat surprised about it. After 200 years? What the heck were they doing for all that time, living under a rock? Angelique throws a hissy fit, probably because some bozo insists on shining a torch in her face. She carves up Jaques for no reason, then rips out his heart. Mmmm'kay.

We cut to John receiving an award. I couldn't say what for, because I never really worked out what John did for a living. He has designed a room-sized Puzzlebox, so I'm guessing he's either a Performance Artist or a Raving Lunatic. Angelique shows up, and does some vanishing and reappearing, somewhat unnerving John, who cuts his acceptance speech down to 25 seconds. If only they'd tried that on Halle Berry!

Angelique is next seen meeting a Generic Overweight Hornbag Victim. He falls for the old "Oops, we bumped each other, how can I make it up to you?" line. But then, don't stunning women offer me no-holds barred sex every time we make accidental contact in the supermarket? Well, no, damn it! Drooling Horndog follows Angelique to the boiler room, where she tells him to close his eyes. Then proceeds to punch a hole in a concrete pillar to retrieve the Puzzlebox. Pesonally, I might have opened my eyes at the sound of rending concrete, but that's just me. And so, Horny Guy gets to play with Angeliques' Box. (Stop sniggering, you sick puppies!)

Predictably, he opens the puzzlebox and gets impaled with chains. (He deserved it for taking off his shirt and making me see his flabby, hairy back, quite frankly.) Pinhead finally shows up and talks to Angelique. (Calling her "Angelique", despite the French Guy giving her that name. I'd have expected Pinhead to use her REAL name, but there you go.) Pinhead tells her "Hell has become more ordered since you left." Hmmm... and how would he know? I seem to recall the opening of Hellraiser II showing Pinheads creation... in about the early 1900's or so. Well, I was hardly expecting continuity, I suppose.

Next scene, Angelique visits John in his office. My notes at this point read "John has Big-Ass eybrows, BTW". That sums up how much of my brain was devoted to the details of the artfully-designed plot. John proceeds to shows his next project (Something about projecting light beams through the puzzlebox) to her. Considering they've known each other for 15 seconds, this seems somewhat open of him. Must be the Bloodline thing... In fact, that night John has a Dream Sex scene with Angelique, which is always a useful plot convention for tossing in some nookie between two otherwise unrelated characters... (The scene itself was fairly good, and should seek a legal seperation from the rest of the film.)

Back to Pinhead, who waxes Biblical while stroking his dove. (No that's not a cheap sexual euphamism, he actually strokes a bird, people!) He proceeds to feed the dove to something toothy in the shadows. Cut to two Dumbshit Security Guard Brothers patrolling the unnamed building. (I should note that despite this flashback being set in France, the Security Dorks sport broad redneck-y accents. Why am I not surprised?) They find an Everlasting Corridor and take an Everlasting stroll down it as Angelique and Pinhead trade bon-mots and give each other bodypiercings. This sequence (Complete with spring-Loaded Security Guard scare attempt) went on so long, my notes have "A little advancement of the plot would be nice!" scrawled across them.

In fact, I should take this time to mention the major reason this movie bites. Pinhead WILL NOT SHUT UP! In the first two films, he had about twelve lines in total. All evil, bad-assy lines like "We'll tear your soul apart!". In this one, he rambles on and on and on, tossing in the occasional bad-ass line. The effect destroys his characters evil mystique within seconds of appearing on-screen. If you could Imagine Jason appearing for the first time in "Friday the 13th Part 11" and suddenly bursting into song... that'd be the reaction Overly-Loquacious Pinhead had on me...

Anyhoo, the Dumbshit Duo eventually find Pinhead, prompting one to aim his pistol and quaver "Don't make me put some pain on you!" (Although with his thick accent, I originally thought he said "Don't make me put some PAINT on you!"... not the most effective threat in anyones' language.) "I AM pain!" hisses Pinhead in his only memorable line, before giving the bros' the tired Chain Torture. He follows that up with an overly-elaborate Drill-Through-The-Skulls Death. Then talks. A lot. Basically, he threatens Johns' son, Bowlhead Boy. (BB for short)

Johns' wife is seen, leaving BB alone while she does some laundry in the dank, creepy basement. Despite being seperated from BB, she suddenly realises he's in trouble. (How? Must be that feminine intuition thing...) She runs back to the apartment to see Pinhead abducting BB. Suddenly, John comes sprinting home. HUH? Some wierd pyschic thing in this family? His wife has BB back, somehow or other.

I honestly have no idea what happened next as my notes simply read "John runs about randomly, nothing makes sense, bad plastic Demon Dog, Pinhead rambles and recaps plot, family runs for it, splits up, more chitchat, more running, wife dismisses Plastic Demon Dog". I did note that she dispelled the Dog with the Puzzlebox, dispensing with the traditional "Go to Hell!" and shouting "Does this pathway work both ways?" instead. That's just WAY too wordy a send-off...

Finally, John tries to kill Pinhead with his computer(???) but gets decapitated by a well-aimed chain instead. His wife uses the Puzzlebox to send Pinhead and Angelique to Hell, (Where this script obviously dwelt before being unleashed on us poor mortals.) slightly too late for ol' John-boy.

Cut to Flashback #3, the Flashback of the opening scenes of the film, with extra Pinhead dialogue (In case our brains exploded during the last hour and we forgot that whole "Space Station" thing...) There's a half-assed "countdown" going on of the time remaining to complete the mission. I think... Oh, I DON'T KNOW! I'M LOST! PLOT HURTS! The timer could mean "23 minutes until the scriptwriter needs his next anti-psychosis pill" at this stage and it'd make as much sense to me...

My notes are garbled, but I believe someone gets his face ripped off about here. I definitley noted that it's not the only thing getting ripped-off, folks. "Alien Resurrection", anyone? Pinhead is joined by Exposed Cerebral Cortex Cenobite (Angelique), and Joined At The Skull Siamese Cenobite. (The Dumbshit Security Guards) "Now the final movement begins" intones Pinhead. Well, thank Christ for that! And so we proceed to kill off the Marines. Sadly, this requires each of them to wander around for at least three minutes apiece before getting killed. Yeah, like this plot needed some padding! (Incidently, why the frock are they all wandering off by themselves? Have these Marines never heard of the "Squad" concept?) There's more running about and the Demon Dog gets put to sleep, courtesy of an open airlock. (Too bad Mr Smithee wasn't standing next to it...)

At last, the big showdown occurs between Shaved Head Guy and Pinhead. Pinhead prattles on for a while, before realising he's talking to a hologram. (Pinhead 2000: Body from hell, Brain from Fisher-Price) From the safety of a shuttlecraft, Shaved Head Guy makes the Space Sation convert into a gigantic Puzzlebox(??), some solar flares bounce around it(??) and the whole thing finally explodes like a low-budget Death Star. The End.

My final note simply read "Huh?". I think that sums things up pretty well...

Geez, re-reading my summary makes this sound like a short film. So why did it feel like I watched it for four-and-a-half hours? Anyhow, onwards and (Hopefully) upwards.

PULSE (1988)

This one is top-billed by Cliff DeYoung and Roxanne Hart. So far, so obscure. As the 80's synth-rock score starts up, the credits appear in that funky 80's computer-writing style, giving the impression that the titles were done on a ZX Spectrum. The first REAL horror moment of the Double Feature occurs as the words "With Joey Lawrence as David" appear. (One of the brothers from "Blossom" if I remember correctly. I also recall him trying to jump-start a music career while looking like the New Kid Kicked Off The Block For Dressing Like A Geek.) Worse was to follow... "Produced by Pat Stallone." Oh, joy. As the credits screen, we are treated to lots of shots of power stations, then endless views of pylons. Eventually we arrive in Suburbia, 1am, Some Schmucks house.

His neighbour Bill is woken by the sounds of a domestic disturbance and calls the cops. Heading outside, he sees his neighbour illuminated in the window by blue flashes, apparently wielding an axe. The cops arrive (80 seconds after being called!) and guess what? One's black, the other white. Since this is obviously a white, middle-class suburb, a police chopper is there 20 seconds later. The cops break in, discovering a trashed and flooded house. (Fraternity party gone horribly wrong?) Moving inside they discover a badly-lit corpse. The shot is so dark and brief, I couldn't make a guess as to what offed him.

We cut to our Irritating Hero, David on a plane. He's clutching a My Medium-Sized Pony, which probably symbolises something. Answers to www.whocares.com. It turns out Dave is on his way to his dads new place. Dad is Bill, of course, and he's living with his new squeeze, Ellen. Bill drives David home, pointing out the trashed house across the road. The suburb-ites believe the owner, Hank, simply went nuts and trashed the place. Ellen quickly shows off their (Bum bum bum!) Electronic Security System to David. Gee, I wonder if THAT'LL come into play later? Bill has decorated Davids room in Early Overcompensating Dad style, complete with Ferrari Bed. Okay, everyone's up to speed on this whole Divorce Issue thing? Good.

We get some conversations here about the microwave and VCR, just so we "get" the fact that modern homes have lots of electronic goods in them. Bill proves to be a workaholic, going to a meeting rather than watching the ballgame with Dave. Awww. David does earn some extra cash with a HUGE product placement shot for Nestle's Quik. I mean, they literally placed the Super-Jumbo-Family-Sized can on a table and left it in shot for fifteen seconds or so. On a movie screen, it must have looked like a huge, chocolatey Monolith in "2001: A Nestle Oddessy".

The TV goes briefly nuts, switching channels by itself. Outside, we get a long, slow pan up a powerpole... and there's our Villan! An Evil, Arcing Spark! (Which was actually kinda cute-looking. I named him "Sparky".) Inside, the TV goes completely bonkeroonie, cutting to EVIL static. *Slo-Mo ON* NOOOOOOOoooooo! They got the TV, man! *Slow-mo OFF*. So David shows some lateral thinking and listens to the game on the radio. Let's see the Playstation 2-obsessed youth of today think of THAT option, huh? (Admittedly, he does get bored by a lack of pictures and turns it off 30 seconds later. So nothings' changed in the last 15 years, I guess.) Hearing a noise, he returns to find the TV acting like an oscilliscope and broadcasting audio from random shows. A shot from inside the TV shows Sparky, industriously re-soldering things. Hearing another noise, David creeps into the laundry, where the dryer has short-circuted. It's here we get a Spring-Loaded Dad scare. Ellen discovers the TV is working, but won't turn off. David is already showing worrying signs of Hysterical Overacting. (Because, after all... Nothing very dangerous has happened. I don't get the logic, either.)

We cut to a TV repairman examining the set. I personally wouldn't use this guy more than once, for the following reasons.

1) The huge porno star moustache he wears.

2) The fact he's smoking in someone elses' living room, while doing his job.

3) His use of the phrase "Magnifying scope"(??) while offering a half-assed explanation about a "Pulse". (Hey! He said the title!)
and

4) He's a complete prick, really. Rude, incompetant and talks to the people that hire him like they're imbeciles.

Anyway, after this short, but irritating scene, (Summed up in my notes as "Technician Guy is a cock!") David goes skateboarding. (Eerily, he looks like Adam Rich in "Eight Is Enough" in this scene. David proves to be a crap skater, meaning the only person who'll talk to him is six-ish Stevie.

Odd syncronicity moment: Stevie has a Bowlcut that would put the kid in Hellraiser: Bloodline to shame. It's HUGE! With his blue shirt and blond hair, he looks like someone bleached a Smurf! I mean, seriously, did they simply circumcise his head? Worse still, he's listed in the credits as "Matthew Lawrence". This should be no surprise, as it's such an annoyingly pointless obvious Nepotism-fuelled role, he becomes a YanKenny, if you like...

Anyhoo, Stevie tells David about Hank, the nutso neighbour. Apparently, his wife checked out via a high-velocity fork shot from the garbage grinder. (A scene I think they should have shown us, but I have a thing for garbage grinder violence since Boarding House at the movie marathon...) After some pointless chitchat about Hanks grass dying, we are given some shots of a telephone exchange. (What, no "FOREHADOWING" caption?) David is calling home to Mom. Nothing happens, so the telephone exchange shot was fairly pointless in the end.

Bill arrives home in his Corvette Penis-mobile (Yes, he's Overcompensating! We get it!) and discovers his grass is dying. David meanwhile is getting all Encylopedia Brown on us, piecing the plot together. He's doing better than me, so far. He also freaks when Ellen turns on the garbage disposal. Later, Stevie and Dave break into Hanks house. Stevie bails the moment David enters the house, which was either meant to be comedy, or just more Lawerence-O-Vision for us. Dave searches the house and meets an Old Creepy Guy hiding in the ceiling. He looks a LOT like the villan in a Scooby-Doo cartoon... ("Old Mr Brown that runs the water slide! Jinkies!") He tells David about the "Voice in the wires". Yeah, whatever.

Back home, David gets all whiny and throws a tantrum. Considering nothing remotely threatening has happened, this still seems a tad odd to me. Dad and Ellen have a heart-to-heart, where he overacts, and she underacts. I think they cancel each other out, somehow. That night, we get a loooong CSI-style shot through the air conditioning vents. It's a sign of my frustration with this movie that my notes read (In fairly large letters) "Nothing Happens! NOTHING! DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING!"

The next day, Drippy Stevie plays with his G.I Joe Terrordome and has a pointless conversation with David. Dave wants out, apparently. Eventually, Dave decides to drive himself to the airport. (I should point out he's about 11.) In the garage, he adjusts the (Bum bum bum!) Electric Seats! So what does Sparky affect instead? The gas lines, of course.

I'll repeat that. The evil electricity somehow manages to fracture a gas line... AND lock David in the garage. I have NO freaking idea how a spark accomplished either of those tasks. As David begins to cough and choke from the escaping gas, we get another protracted pan, this time of the garage door opener, which refuses to operate. David trashes the car by driving through the garage door to escape, and nearly gets run down by Ellen in the process. We cut to Bill with a gas repairman. His half-assed excuse is "Metal Fatigue". He also mentions the "explosion risk" that could have been set off by David starting the car in a gas-filled environment. Of course, during the "dramatic" escape, David brought a light smashing down on the roof of the car, complete with sparks. So basically, the kid should have been flambed. Ellen gets all psycho-panicky, convinced something out to get them. And what proof does she have? A busted TV and dryer and a cracked pipe. Sounds like normal wear and tear to me, Ellen...

Bill gets all Alpha-Male agressive, and we cut to him tending his garden. He has a huge bag of "Lawn Topping". (I hope it's strawberry flavoured topping!) We get the most Over-The-Top sound effect of the film as he drives his trowel into the turf, producing a sword-like noise that echos all the way into the next scene.(!!) Here we see Ellen testing the VCR, before spotting Creepy Guy over the road. He's supervising a construction crew at Hanks place, for reasons that defy explanation. when confronted by Ellen, he denies everything at first, then tells her "Pull the plug. Pull ALL the plugs". He's down to using kerosine laterns, apparently. Then he drives off, never to be seen again. I think he's a relative of Crazy, Ugly Ralph from Friday The 13th.

So what does Ellen do after this scene. She takes a shower, of course. Numerous shots of the gas cylnder and the pilot light telegraph Sparkys next move. (All together... "And she's HOT, HOT, HOT!") Bill proves to be a crap rescuer (Yes, Sparky locked her in the shower stall... somehow!) by running off to get something to break the glass with as David watches Ellen struggle in the scalding waters. Uh, it's called your "Foot", Bill. Try swinging it in the direction of the glass. Instead he returns with a lamp(!!!) and rescues Ellen. We get a brief shot of her blistered back, followed by a scene where paramedic load her into an ambulance. She's lying face-up, which seems a tad counter-productive.

That night, Bill and Dave stay at a neighbours house. Bill tells David his mom is cming to pick him up the next morning, meaning were into the big finale. (A relative term, since f@#%-all has happened so far.) During a super-brief chat with Telstarman, I told him my one-line summation of the film. "Never have I watched so many people overact while absolutely nothing happens around them!". Telstarmans internet connection crapped out immediately afterwards. I assume Sparky was responsible.

Back to the plot, Bill make a bid for "Father of The Year" by not only smoking in someone elses' home, but in the room his son is sleeping in. Anti-passive smoking advocates would lynch him these days... For reason best known to himself, Bill heads back over the road and finds the TV back on again. He starts up the VCR, then hears a noise upstairs. He wanders about a bit as David watches the house from across the street. Finally, he discovers the source of the noise.. the garbage grinder. He peers in, and nearly (But not nearly enough) gets a piece of broken glass in the face as the grinder ejects it forcefully. Bill heads down to the basement to shut things down once and for all, but Sparky finally does something agressive. (If overly-elaborate.) A band-saw switches on, causing a screw to vibrate across the workbench its on. Striking the blade, it richochets bullet-like into Bills' forehead. It's only a glancing blow, but Bill goes down for the count anyway.

Seeing the lights go out at the ol' homestead, David finally makes a move, sneaking across the road. I actually gave him points for Character Intelligence here, as he thinks to prop open the back door with a garbage can before entering. (They wouldn't stay on his scoresheet for long, though...) Dave sneaks around the house, at one stage spinning around in response to... well, nothing! (I guess they forgot to foley in the noise this time.) As the Electronic Security system seals up the house, Dave discovers the TV is going bugshit, actually shooting out laser-like lights that trace patterns on his head. The director was so impressed with this effect, David stands there for a full minute while it happens. The effect of these laser-like lights? You guessed it, absolutely bloody NOTHING! David has more hysterics and tries to use the phone, but it's dead. A second later, though, it rings.

I'm guessing this was meant to be a "scare" scene... Especially with the use of the "Jaws" zoom-in/dolly-out shot. (The one they used on Sherrif Brody during the scene where the kid on the rubber raft gets killed) It's hardly that terrifying, of course. I mean, it's a ringing phone, people! Sure, if he'd picked it up and heard Sparky saying "What's your favourite electrical appliance?", THAT might have been terrifying... Now water begins to flood the house. I've given up trying to work out a logical reason for the things Sparky can do... David loses all his Character Intelligece Points by forgetting his Emergency Exit plan. Instead, he uses the lamp to smash a window. (AGAIN? What is it, a Stunt Lamp?) He then sticks his head out of the jagged-glass-rimmed window to shout for help. Smart plan, dude. Sparky (I think) somehow makes a piece of glass fall out of the window frame, piercing Davids hand. Down in the basement, Bill is still trying to find his way out before he drowns.

Y'know, if I was Sparky, I'd drop a live line into the ankle-deep water and fry Bills sorry ass once and for all.

Meanwhile, David hobbles upstairs, leaving huge, bloody palmprints on the walls. (His hand is literally COVERED in blood, despite the puncture wound caused by the glass being a quarter-inch in diameter at most. Trust me, I rewound and checked in slow-mo.) Sparky sets the house on fire, which ignites like it's made of paper. David curls up in a corner and whimpers, as Bill finds an axe and hacks his way through the floor. He quickly finds David, who he heard calling out earlier, and they make a run for the kitchen door. it's still propped open, but David suddenly notices that the floor is covered with water... and THERE'S the live wires!

And so we get the most ludicrous scene of the flick, as Bill slips, David grabs his hand, and an 11-year-old boy manages to arrest the momentum of a 200-pound man. In reality, they're both Overactor-Kebabs. And so, in spite of the fact that the puddle is small enough for even, say, Dr Freex or Ken Begg to easily jump over, they change directions abrubtly. Bill retrieves his axe and chops his way out the front door. Hooray, they're safe, can this boring movie end now? Sadly, the answer is "No" as Bill has to go crazy-ish and attack the power pole with aforesaid axe while his neighbours make "Watermelon, watermelon" noises. The cops arrive, but Bill has done enough, sending the pole smashing through his house as David cheers him on. The Big Finale involves lots of Destruct-O-Vision shots of the homes' electrical appliances biting the dust.

It was here in my notes I wrote and circled, "Get ready for the kicker". And indeed, as Bill and David are driven away by the cops, Stevies' Chesire Cat Clock begins to glow and buzz menacingly. He reaches down, pulls the plug and we go to black. The End. Tres' Predictables as the French probably don't say...

Skeeters Summaries:

Hellraiser: Bloodline: Just awful. Confusing, badly acted, atrociously dull script and seemingly over-edited into oblivion by a half-blind mental patient...
Pulse: Better, but no world-beater. Too many wasted set-ups with very few payoffs.

Avoid both, unless you're a big fan of Stupid Pre-Teen Haircuts...